- "It's not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to. I mean, you should hate someone because they're an asshole, or a pervert, or snob, or they're lazy, or arrogant or an idiot or know-it-all. Those are reasons to dislike somebody. You don't hate a person because someone told you to. You have to learn to despise people on a personal level. Not because they're red, or because they're blue, but because ya know them, and you see them every single day. And you can't stand them, because they're a complete and total fucking douchebag."
- —Church in Why Were We Here?
Church has complex, yet comedic, relationships with many of the characters in Red vs. Blue. Despite constantly arguing with the members of the Blood Gulch Crew, it seems that he genuinely cares for them.
Church seems to be emotionally distant from his teammates (which he does on purpose) with the exception of Tex.
His most prominent relationship is that with Tex. The pair share a love-hate relationship by insulting each other on occasion, yet constantly aiding each other and dealing with their teammates together. Despite his memories of dating Tex being fake, Church apparently still loves her, though he hates to admit it when both Tucker and Gary accuse him of such. In Season 3, he apologized to her for not being a better man. Even though he has previously claimed she is not a faithful girlfriend, he seems to still harbor romantic feelings for her as he refers to her as his girlfriend in several episodes in the series and even saying that he wished to have married her. Church has also shown to be very protective of Tex as shown when he tries to get O'Malley out of her and is angered when Wyoming hints at his romantic interest in her. In addition, Church avoids the subject when "Gary" states "he still loves her."
It is also hinted in Season 2 that he still loves Tex since he wanted to get a body for her ghost. The length of all this and other events in the series show that Church will protect Tex from anything (including herself, as shown in episode 100). Also in episode 100, he was visibly distressed when the Pelican exploded with Tex in it. Apparently, Church's experiences with Tex have led him to have a very misogynistic view of women. When Caboose asked if the new member Sister was a regular girl or a mean girl, Church reminded him that "there are no regular girls." Also, when Tucker was hopeful about having two girls on the team, Church remarks that having two girls living together always leads to conflict and "somebody getting stuck with a $1,200 phone bill."
Church and Tucker have developed a somewhat brother-like relationship, as the two are regularly seen talking, insulting each other, and making jokes. Although Church has made threats to kill or hurt Tucker, he has never gone through with it. He does show concern when Tucker is injured, as seen in Season 2 and when he fell ill in Season 4. Over the course of the series, Church and Tucker's relationship has gone from two strangers who hated each other to having a brother-like bond (who still hate each other, just not as much). This can be seen in their dialogue as the series progresses. In an attempt to save Tucker from getting hurt, Church blew him up with a rocket launcher. He was also agitated when Tucker used the sniper rifle and accidentally shot Tex.
Church's relationship with Caboose has been one of great stress. This is due mostly to the fact that Caboose has killed Church multiple times, as well as the fact that Caboose's intelligence is dangerously below average. However, in some rare moments, Church is kind to Caboose and is sometimes amused by his antics. For example, when Caboose (indirectly) explained he did not know where babies were made, Church told him that after he checked with Doc on Tucker's condition, they should have a little talk and that he had a book they could read together. They also debated the true function of Tucker's sword, where Church states that he would want to live in Caboose's world for just 10 minutes.
The most telling sign that Church genuinely cares for Caboose is when Caboose was "killed" by Gamma, and Church showed great signs of distress and sadness. Then again, he could have just been distressed because he wanted to be the one who ultimately killed Caboose. When they were transferred out of Blood Gulch, Church told Caboose that it would be like a game of hide and seek, and that Church could only win so long as he died without ever seeing Caboose again. As soon as Wash and Caboose showed up at his "secure facility," Church began shooting at Caboose with his iconic sniper rifle and expressed anger at having "missed" him. Despite this, Caboose shows extreme loyalty to Church and became concerned when his body fell out of his Warthog during Reconstruction: Chapter 19.
Church has a grudging respect for Wash, seeing him dealt a similar situation (in Reconstruction) to what he had to deal with in The Blood Gulch Chronicles. He seems generally impressed by Wash's skills but was not happy to be found, or more accurately to be reunited with Caboose. Despite his respect for Wash, Church regularly voices his opinion that he is, much like his view of all Freelancers, a cold-blooded killer and has, at times, questioned Wash's sanity. This opinion would seem accurate as, after a brief trip in Wash's mind, Church says Wash has "Some heavy stuff going on in there."
The only interaction so far was Church's curiosity to see her 'Ping Pong Ball' trick. Church has also called her "that new yellow freak." Like the rest of the Blood Gulch Crew, Church saw her as a whore. He was also disappointed by how unskilled she was.
Sheila was the tank A.I. that blew him up, and Church seems to have forgiven her due to her listening to him. As he explained by her usefulness to the reds when they claimed that he was outnumbered- "Bullshit dude, I got a tank! People with tanks are never outnumbered!" When Church had the ghost and the warthog at blue base, Sheila was clearly jealous.
When Church met Junior, he immediately develops a disgust for it. He has said he would kill the 'Abomination of Nature' several times. When he first hears about him, Church says "I'm gonna go in there, step on its neck and shoot it in the head. 'Cause that's how I roll." He stated that the reason he wants to kill Junior is because he inherited Tucker's perverted DNA and has the ability to impregnate people with alien babies and fears that Junior will impregnate them all with his alien babies.
Church seemed to like Captain Flowers, at least a little, as he displayed respect for him as a Captain and tried to save his life after he went back in time (though he accidentally ended up killing him). He did find some of the Captain's comments awkward, though. Unbeknownst to Church, however, Flowers was actually meant to keep the Reds and Blues involved in a never-ending conflict, in order to ensure Church's safety, due to the fact that he was the Alpha AI. Flowers also made sure that Church never knew his true origins, under orders from the Director.
Church, upon meeting himself in mid-season 3, was irate with himself and confused at the same time at why he was explaining things he already knew to himself. Also, he seems to show some respect, not "stealing my own thunder."
Alpha and Epsilon are described as "the same, yet separate." Alpha referred to Epsilon as Wash's crazy A.I. upon discovering it, and Epsilon referred to Alpha as "kind of a dick."
Originally deceived into thinking Jimmy was his partner who Tex killed on Sidewinder it was later revealed that Jimmy was Church's original host body and the person who Caboose actually killed with Sheila.
Church may be enemies with the Red Team but he does not see them as a threat. He states he doesn't hate the Reds because they are Red, but because of their individual characteristics at the end of the Blood Gulch Chronicles.
Church doesn't like Sarge, due to him being the Red Team's leader as well as his stupidity. He also considers Sarge to be, "not that great of a leader," during Season 4. Although, in Why Were We Here?, Church seems to trust Sarge enough to ask him to disable Sheila before she lifts off. Though he later regretted this decision as Sarge blew up the ship. He was also annoyed when Sarge deleted all the information about the blues.
Church sees Simmons as a know it all, as stated in one of the episodes, when Simmons tried to spy on the Blues. Church thoroughly enjoyed it when Simmons was pretending to be a Blue because he bossed him around and insulted him to his face (Simmons not knowing Church knew it was him) just for kicks. Church has also called him "tomato can" in one episode. Despite this, he was shown to get into decent conversations and act properly when Simmons was on Blue Team.
Though not much has happened between these two, Church believes Grif to be the smartest and most potentially dangerous person on the Red Team, stating that he is "crafty" and "a bit like him." The two spent time as prisoners in Sidewinder where Church was somewhat annoyed by him, although they played a friendly game where they see who can belch the loudest. Church also does seem to have some respect for Grif, as he sees him as intelligent and was concerned when Grif attempted to send Sister to the Blue team, thinking it may be a trap, showing he does believe that Grif is capable of planning such attempts. Likewise, Grif does not seem to dislike Church all that much. In Reconstruction, Church took pleasure when Grif was being attacked by the Meta but soon became disappointed that Grif survived. The two later make a bet on Agent Washington's life in Reconstruction: Chapter 14.
Donut was originally the subject of Church's dislike due to the fact that he killed Tex. When Church was sent back in time, he already planned to kill Donut to prevent Tex's death but missed him several times with his sniper rifle. Since his experiences have led him to conclude the past cannot be altered and must be dealt with, and since Tex is no worse for wear in a robot body, Church seems to have lost his dislike for Donut. After briefly getting to know him, Church begins to consider Donut as "his favorite Red" and thinks of him as "pretty harmless," also saying that he "actually liked him" even though he killed Tex. Also, Church shares the belief with Donut that the latter's armor is "lightish red" and not pink.
Though Church has possessed Lopez frequently and at length, these two have had very little contact. However, he appears to have disliked Church at one time, having been "constantly possessed and blown up" and as a result, he and Sheila founded the Robot Army, which was also Church's doing, since he gave them the idea when he went back in time.
Out of both teams, Church seems to have the most knowledge of the Freelancer program. Although he expressed familiarity with a number of different Freelancer agents, it was later revealed that Church's memories were merely damaged recollections of his time as the Alpha A.I., never having actually met any of them prior to Blood Gulch.
Though crafted from false recollections, as far as Church knew his relationship with Wyoming went back as far as training as shown in Out of Mind, in which Wyoming insults Church and suggests he goes to "Learn how to get shot properly." As shown from numerous pieces of dialogue throughout Season 5, Church doesn't seem to like Wyoming much at all. Apart from his obvious distrust of Freelancers, Church seems to not like Wyoming's personality and the fact that he apologizes too much.
Church seems to know a little about York, due to his surprised reaction when Tex told him York was still alive in Biting the Hand.
Church seems to know of Carolina a little bit, seeing as when he was told York was still alive, he asked if Carolina was as well. In Reconstruction, Delta explained that Agent Carolina was implanted with two A.I, surprising Church. In the same conversation, Church referred to her as "That Carolina chick," implying that as far as he knew, they had never met.
Church shows the greatest of dislikes towards the Meta. He tries to kill the Meta during most of the Reconstruction series. But in one episode he says "Stop it? If this thing is killing freelancers, I want to start a fan club for it, build it a website," due to his hatred of the Freelancers. Church has also gotten a lucky shot at the Meta's leg with a sniper rifle bullet bouncing off different objects. While Church is ecstatic at finally hitting something, Washington claims "It only counts if you call it!" in which Church defensively replies, "Oh bullshit, dude!" Upon finding out Church is the Alpha, the Meta, or rather the AI's in his head, instantly became obsessed with him.
As the Alpha, Church is seen directly conversing with the Director in Planning the Heist, calculating the odds for the upcoming mission. He acts nonchalant to the Director and sees him as slightly inferior in terms of mind. Later, he is seen being tortured by the Director but is unaware as to what is happening. He believes everything that the Director says and starts to go insane, leading to the creation of Epsilon. Due to his actions, the Director can be considered Church's enemy.
While the two have barely interacted Price's position as second in command of project freelancer and the part he played in Alpha's torture made him Church's enemy.
Church's relationships with the A.I.s is something of an odd topic. In Reconstruction: Chapter 16, Washington reveals that Church is the Alpha A.I. and all the A.I.s from Project Freelancer are fragments of his personality and emotions. Ironically, he doesn't like them much.
Due Omega's influence on Tex, Church sees O'Malley as an enemy. As the series goes on, it's made clear that O'Malley has a dislike of Church as well, though it does not seem to be as strong as Church's dislike for him. It is later revealed that Omega is a fragment of the Alpha AI representing its rage and anger. Also, when O'Malley takes Church over, he feels nothing; this is later theorized that it was simply the Omega and Alpha rejoining. In Head Cannon, it is revealed that Church was going to allow Omega to control his body but Tex knocked Omega out of Church before he could do so. In addition, Omega was also one of the fragments that took part in torturing Alpha.
When Church first meets Gamma, the latter introduces himself as the computer Gary, who is the keeper of a sword that was meant for the Great Destroyer. After he told Church that the Great Destroyer was to be known as the dumbest life form in the universe, Church thought that he meant Caboose and decided to stop him before he could destroy anything. However, Church would have to wait "1,000 years" for Gary to make the teleporter for him to return to Blood Gulch, during which they form somewhat of a friendship.
In order to pass the time, Gary told Church numerous knock-knock jokes. Later on, Gary was revealed to be Wyoming's A.I. Gamma, whose attribute was deceit, explaining why he was able to lie to Church. As a result, Church saw Gamma as an enemy, with Gamma nearly killing Church during Season 5. Gamma was also one of the AI responsible for torturing Alpha.
Delta is quite possibly the only A.I. (besides Tex) Church does not fully hate, as when the two talk to one another, they speak very calmly. This could possibly be due to the fact that Delta is one of the very few Intelligent characters Church has ever conversed with and he finds this to be a relief, or that they agree on every logical decision which may be due to sharing the exact same logic patterns. This is because Delta is the fragment of the Alpha that represents his logic. Overall, Delta is one of the few characters in the series that Church listens to and actually agrees with.
While the two are never seen directly interacting with one another Sigma was one of the A.I.s responsible for torturing the Alpha. In addition, Sigma using Maine to attack Church and the other Reds and Blues makes him an enemy.
Church doesn't seem to have many problems with Doc, at least not to the same degree as the other soldiers in Blood Gulch, other than the fact that when Church mentioned they were screwed in Season 5 when they only had 2 men in action, Doc crudely reminded Church that he was "Neutral in these conflicts," which possibly angered Church even more. He happily put Doc in mortal danger by sending him to fix a malfunctioning Sheila, hoping he would fix or deactivate her by accident or die trying, a thought that amused him.
It has been apparent that Vic is very annoying, and Church has called him "That annoying guy from Command." Also, Church was ultimately responsible for the "Red and Blue" conspiracy, which was later proven true, after informing Vic. In Season 4, Church showed Simmons (a Blue at the time) how to call Command, but was very surprised when Vic Jr. answered, who states he's Vic's great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandson. However, Church gets furious when Vic Jr. later calls and hangs up on him before Church could ask any questions. He was unaware that Vic was allied with Omega and paid him and Wyoming to kill Tucker. It was later revealed that V.I.C. was a program specifically designed to keep Church in Blood Gulch.
Church and Andy's relationship has stayed neutral but Church contributed when the Blues were trying to make Andy calm. This was because he never wanted to die in a huge explosion even though he is (technically) already dead and is just in a robot body. Andy has insulted him a lot and Church has threatened to blow him up, but it would most likely result in his own body's death.