|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|Airdate||August 29, 2005|
Grif is still despairing over being back in Blood Gulch, despite the others' attempts to shut him up. Meanwhile, back at Zanzibar, Tex, Tucker, and Caboose discover that Church is back in ghost form again. Church explains that he was literally scared out of his body after being ambushed by the Alien in the last episode. His attempts to explain this are repeatedly interrupted by Caboose's stupidity and Tucker's attempt to hijack the flashback and showcase his sexual fantasies; Tucker wisely ends quickly so as to avoid getting his head blown off by Tex. Tucker uses the catch phrase "Bow-chicka-bow-wow" in this episode for the first time, much to Church's annoyance.
Fade in to Grif screaming on the top of a cliff
Grif: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! Nohohohoooooooooohaoooooooooooooo!
Donut: Is he ever gonna stop screaming? He's been up there for hours.
Sarge: Simmons, shut him up!
Simmons: Hey Grif, shut the fuck up! Get down here and help us check out the base!
Grif: No! No! Noooooooooooooohohohooooooooooooooo!
Simmons: I don't think he's even listening to us.
Grif: Noooooooo actually that time I was answering your question noooooooooooo!
Sarge: Go up there and get him Simmons.
Donut: If he keeps screaming like that, he's gonna pass out and fall off the cliff.
Sarge: Cancel that order, Simmons!
Sarge: Donut, get me a sniper rifle.
Donut: Yes sir.
Cut to the Blues back wherever they are after all this time
Tucker: And he says "Did I read it? I already ruined it!"
Tex: That's disgusting.
Caboose: I don't get it.
Church materializes out of thin air
Church: What, the fuck, was that.
Caboose: Hey Church!
Church: Isn't anybody gonna ask me, "What happened to your body, Church?"
Tex and Tucker: What happened to your body Church.
Caboose: What happened to some... body... Church?
Church: Hell if I know. All I know is, I was sittin' there talkin' to Gary, and-
Tex: The bomb?
Church: No that's Andy, Gary is the computer.
Tex: Neh, I don't even remember most of your names half the time.
Caboose: I know my name! You can ask me, if you forget.
Church: Hey, can we please focus on me?
Caboose: By the way, he's Church.
Church: Yes, thank you Caboose, she knows.
Caboose: He is the mean one.
Church: Thank you, Caboose.
Caboose: See, he is mad. Now he'll just stare at me until I stop talking, then, when he thinks I am done talking, then he will start talking again.
Church: ... Okay. I was talking to Gary and-
Caboose: Told you so.
Church: God dammit!
Caboose: Classic Church.
Tucker: I wonder if a ghost can have an aneurism.
Church: Anyway, I was talking to Gary about the Great Destroyer, who at the time we thought was Tex.
Fade to Church's story
Gary: the great destroyer has arrived. the end is near.
Church: Oh come on Gary Gary Gary, stop stop stop. Hey if Tex is not the destroyer from the prophecy, then who is?
Cut to the present
Church: And that's when I turned around, and I saw...
Cut back to Church's story, where Church turns around and Caboose is standing in the way
Caboose: Saw what? Saw O'Malley?
Church: What the- Caboose, get outta the story man. No it wasn't O'Malley.
Caboose: What was it?
Church: Stop interrupting me, and I'll tell you.
Caboose: A helicopter?
Tucker: Yeah Caboose, shut up.
Church: Hey, Tucker, you're interrupting now too. Everybody just get outta here.
Tucker: Me? I'm just tryin' to punch up the storyline. Check this out.
Tex with Tucker's voice steps to the ledge
Tucker: Hi everybody, I'm super horny from all the robot killing. Hey is it hot in here? Who wants to help me out of this heavy armor. This breastplate is so itchy.
Cut back to the present
Tucker: Bow chicka bow-
Tex levels her gun at Tucker
Tucker: -whoa, story's over.
Tex: You're a pig.
Tucker: I didn't even get to the part where the sailors show up.
Tex: Just tell us, what did you see?
Church: Um, it was a really big... thing.
Tex: That's your story? You saw a big thing.
Tucker: Eh, my story had a big thing in it too. You just didn't give it time to develop.
Church: Well I didn't really get a clear look at it.
Caboose: At Tucker's big thing.
Church: No dumbass, at the big thing in the base that attacked me. All I know is that it was slimy, and it had lots of teeth.
Church: Seriously dude, cut the shit. We've got a situation on our hands.
Tex: Well how did you fight it off?
Church: Fight it off? You must have me confused with someone who's brave. I got the hell outta there.
Tex: You're telling me you left your body behind?
Church: I had to get outta there fast. That body was just dead weight.
Caboose: I know the feeling.
Church: What is that supposed to mean?
Tucker: Hahahaha, some slimy toothed monster scared the crap outta Church! Haha!
Tex: He didn't scare the crap outta him, he scared the soul outta him.
Tucker: Oh it's Church, what's the difference? His soul is made outta crap. Stupid crap for soul.
Church: For all I know, he's in there chewin' on my body right now.
Tex: Well, then let's go get this big thing of yours.
Tucker: Bow chicka bow wow.
Tex: Oh shut up.
Church: Shut up Tucker.
Tucker: Did somebody call for a really hairy plumber? Bow chicka bow wow!
Church: Tucker. Shut up.
Tucker: I came here to lay some pipe. Bow-chicka-bow-wow!
Tucker: So I hear you got sisters. Bow chicka- who're twins! -wow wow!
Church: Shut up.
Tucker: Hey, are you a model or famous actress? Bow-chicka-bow-wow!
Church: Shut up.
Tucker: Bow chickachicka-
Church: Shut up.
Tucker: -gow wow chicka-
Church: Shut up.
Tucker: -chicka bow bow chickachickachi bow bow!
Church: Shut up!
- This episode marks the first time Tucker says his famous catchphrase, "Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow"!