Where There's a Will, There's a Wall: Episode 2 is the second episode of the Red vs. Blue mini-series Where There's a Will, There's a Wall and the 201st episode overall.
Characters[]
Red Team[]
Blue Team[]
Other[]
Plot[]
Church and Tucker enter negotiations on who gets to fly the Falcon. Meanwhile, at Red Base, Sarge comes up with a few brilliant ideas on how to conquer the wall.
Transcript[]
Fade in to Blood Gulch, where an extremely large ramp pointing towards the wall can be seen.
Sarge: Excellent work, men! At this rate, we will see what at the other side of that wall in no time.
Simmons: Uhh, sir, you know I would normally never question your judgement.
Sarge: Great! lets keep it that way. Now the plan is simple, on harnessing the momentous power of inertia, we can increase the speed of the Warthog and blast straight through to the other side.
Lopez: Eso no es inertia. [That's not inertia.]
Sarge: He he he. Thanks Lopez.
Lopez: Esta rampa es un gasto tremendo de recursos. Y tiempo. [This ramp was a tremendous waste of resources. And time.]
Simmons: I don't know, Sarge, driving a car through a solid metal wall a little... implausible.
Zoom to the top of the ramp showing Grif in the Warthog.
Grif: IT'S FRIGGING IMPOSSIBLE!
Sarge: Don't you worry, Private Grif. We've taken extra special precautions to make sure nothing goes wrong, and no one gets hurt. Or to be more specific, there's very few things go wrong and one person gets hurt.
Grif: Why won't my seat belt unlock?!
Sarge: Extra Special precautions! Alright, let's kill two Grifs with one stone.
Cut to Blues. Church and Tucker are seen negotiating, while Caboose operates one of the Falcon turrets in the background.
Epsilon: Alright, how about this. In exchange for letting me fly the new vehicle, I'll give you permanent shotgun.
Tucker: Dude, Screw that! The passenger seats are exactly the same, not to mention completely exposed.
Epsilon: Oh, but look! It's got a bad ass machine gun!
Caboose: (making airplane noises) This is captain Caboose! We are at a losing altitude. The use of cell phones or other electronic devices is now permitted. If you are interested in our frequent flyer program, we will soon be handing out pamphlets.
Tucker: Listen, I'm not falling to my death just because you don't know how to fly that thing.
Epsilon: Oh what, and you do?
Tucker: Hell no! But I never get anything around here. You got the sniper rifle, Caboose got to drive the tank, and the Reds have their jeep.
Cut back to the Reds. The warthog accelerates down the ramp with Grif screaming all the way down.
Grif: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
The Warthog crashes into the wall and explodes, stopping Grif's screaming. The burning remains roll in front of Red Team.
Grif: (weakly) ...Ow.
Simmons: Well, looks like that plan failed completely.
Sarge: Simmons, don't be so quick to judge! Grif, are you alive in there?
Grif: Yes... barely...
Sarge: Aw damn it... total failure...
Cut to Blue Base
Tucker: All I'm saying is, for someone who hasn't gotten laid since deployment, I sure do feel like I'm being screwed all the time.
Epsilon: (sigh) Okay, fine... I guess we'll just have to settle this the old fashion way.
Cut back to Red Base, where Sarge stares at the wall until Simmons approaches him.
Sarge: Simmons, report status... I mean Status report, Simmons! (grumbles)
Simmons: Well sir, the Warthog is destroyed, the wall is still intact, and Donut says that Grif is lucky to be alive.
Sarge: All terrible news!
Simmons: I'd hate to say it sir, but I really don't think we have enough firepower to blast to the other side.
Sarge: So what I'm hearing you say is that we need to find something with even more firepower.
Simmons: Actually sir, I was saying...
Sarge: Like a tank!
Simmons: Wait, what?
Sarge: It's settled then! You and Grif will go commandeer the enemy vehicle.
Grif runs out of the base.
Grif: NO! There is no way I survived an 80 mph crash, just to get blown up by a tank!
Sarge: Fine... Lopez...
Lopez is seen gathering up all the Warthog parts
Sarge: Lopez, stop fooling around! You're going with Simmons to Blue Base.
Lopez: ¿Yo tengo que regresar?[Do I have to come back?]
Sarge: (to Grif) Now, start turning this ridiculous ramp contraption, into an equally ridiculous elevator contraption of similar value.
Grif: What? Why?
Sarge: Because, in the somewhat unlikely event that these two don't come back, we need to have a fallback plan.
Simmons: (sigh) What's the fallback plan?
Sarge: Simple, if we can't go through the wall, then we're going to go over it!
Grif: But... I hate heights...
Bird caws
Grif: (nervously) Almost as much as I hate birds.
Gallery[]
Trivia[]
- Grif states that he hates heights & birds at the end of the episode, a reference to Relocated: Part Two.
- Driving through a solid metal wall is a reference to Upon Further Review, where Grif drives a warthog through the wall at Valhalla.
Video[]
