Can I Keep It? is the seventh episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 11 and the 232nd episode overall. It aired on July 29, 2013.
Characters[]
Blue Team[]
Red Team[]
Plot[]
Washington, Caboose, and Tucker are discussing Freckles at the Blue base. Washington and Tucker unsuccessfully try to dissuade Caboose from keeping it, and also attempt to figure out why it is called a Mantis. Washington then decides to go check inventory at the crash site, and orders Tucker and Caboose to continue their training regimen. Tucker complains about this, but Freckles forces him to comply. Caboose then excitedly takes Freckles out for a walk, and the two are spotted by Sarge through his sniper rifle.
Meanwhile, Simmons attempts to convince Grif to take out the trash, but Grif weasels out of it by distracting Simmons with questions about why the group is in full combat gear despite there being no apparent threat. Sarge soon orders them to fall in, and reveals that he is disturbed by the presence of the war robot at the Blue base. They also try to figure out why it is called a Mantis robot - Lopez 2.0 reveals that it is because of the robot's camouflage system, but the Reds ignore him. Sarge orders Grif and Simmons to do recon and find out what the Blues are plotting while he cleans up a sandbag spill in the safety of the Red base. Meanwhile, Washington is seen heading to a different area of the ship rather than the food storage locker, muttering about a "change of plans".
Transcript[]
Camera shows Tucker and Washington talking to Caboose and Freckles
Tucker: So...
Freckles turns towards Tucker
Tucker: Nevermind.
Washington: Caboose...
Freckles turns towards Wash
Washington: Tell me again, where did you find this...robot?
Caboose: His name is Freckles.
Tucker: That's a stupid name.
Freckles turns guns back at Tucker
Tucker: Stupid-cool I mean! Great name, I mean, I wish that were my name. Yeah, Freckles is the best name ever that there ever was.
Washington: Technically it's a Mantis class military assault droid.
Tucker: Wait, why Mantis?
Washington: Well you see those legs? They kinda resemble the legs of a praying mantis.
Tucker: No they don't.
Washington: Then maybe it's the head shape?
Caboose: Yeah maybe its because during the act of procreation they rip off the head of their mates body and devour it. It's like an act of sexual cannibalism.
Washington: Eww...What?!
Tucker: Eh, I've dated worse.
Caboose: Yeah, I call him Freckles because of the spots on his nose.
Tucker: Well shit, I actually have to give it to Caboose on this one. Robot definitely looks more like a 'Freckles' than a 'Mantis'.
Washington: Fine. Where did you find... Freckles?
Caboose: Well I was walking and I was sad and I missed Church-
Tucker: This is the greatest story of our generation.
Washington: Quiet.
Caboose: And then I heard a noise-
Tucker: Seriously, It's like I was there.
Washington: Tucker.
Caboose: Yeah and then I saw the little guy under like pieces of rock and space ship and body parts, but I just moved them out of the way and then there he was and now we're best friends forever! Right Freckles?
Freckles: Affirmative, Caboose.
Tucker: Great. Boy meets dog. Dog turns out to be a military-grade killing machine from a crashed spaceship.
Washington: Caboose... Um, you know, a pet is a lot of responsiblitlity.
Caboose: That is why I will water him and I will feed him every day.
Tucker: Water and feed? What the hell does this thing run on?!
Caboose: It runs on the power of the friendship of our love!
Tucker: This is so fucked up!
Washington: Didn't you give birth to a baby alien a few years back?
Tucker: Whoa, let's not bring family into this.
Caboose: So, what fun adventures are we going to go on today, Freckles?
Tucker: Ha I'm not doing shit! We're getting rescued soon, remember?
Washington: Actually, I think it would be smart if we continued with our training routine.
Tucker: What?! Why? There's no point.
Washington: Training is an ongoing process, Tucker, and as the leader of this team, I want to make sure that we're ready for anything.
Tucker: This is fucking stupid. Nothing has happened since we crashed here.
Washington: Well, you never know if someone or something will attack. So stop complaining and start jogging.
Washington begins to walk off
Tucker: And where are you going?
Washington: I'm heading up to the ship. Someone needs to do an inventory of our food supplies. I prefer it be someone who can count.
Caboose: I only screwed up twice.
Washington: You screwed up once.
Caboose: Yeah, I don't see your point.
Tucker: So you're just gonna leave me with them?
Washington begins to walk off again
Washington: Five laps gentlemen. Tucker, make sure you count for Caboose.
Tucker: Pfff, yeah right.
Freckles: Disregarding a direct order from a commanding officer is punishable by death.
Tucker: What? Since when?
Freckles: Target locked.
Tucker: Goddamn it. Okay, I'm going.
Tucker runs off
Caboose: And who wants to go outside?! Who wants to go outside?!
No response
Caboose: Who wants to go outside?! Freckles, do you want to go outside?! Outside! Who wants to go outside?! Do I want to go outside? Why do I want to go outside? Lets all go outside!
Background changes to outdoors
Caboose: Oh my god, we're here!
Sniper rifle is zooming in on Caboose and Freckles
Caboose: I'm really good at this game!
Sarge lowers his sniper rifle
Sarge: Heh...Those backstabbers...
Cut to Grif standing alone outside the base with Simmons approaching him
Simmons: Hey asshole, would it kill you to take out the trash for once?
Grif: Simmons, I've been thinking.
Simmons: I don't care! Take out the fucking trash!
Grif: Why do we carry our guns?
Simmons: What?!
Grif: Our guns. Why do we carry them?
Simmons: Because we're soldiers.
Grif: Yeah, but we're not really fighting anybody, are we?
Simmons: Well yeah but, you never know when we could be attacked!
Grif: Attacked by who? The Blues?
Simmons: Um...
Grif: We haven't fought a single god damn enemy since arriving in this canyon, and yet here we are walking around in full body armor with a rifle in our hands like the fucking galaxy is about to attack us any second.
Simmons: What's your point?
Grif: My point is, why don't we ever just walk around without our guns?
Long pause
Grif: Do it!
Simmons: What?
Grif: Drop your gun!
Simmons: No!
Grif: Why not?
Simmons: I don't want to!
Grif: You don't want to? Or you can't?
Simmons: Um...um...I'm going back inside.
Simmons runs off to the base
Grif: And thus Dexter Grif single-handedly avoids trash duty for a second day in a row. Hoo-rah.
In the background
Sarge: Men! Fall in! Double time! This is not a drill!
In the foreground
Grif: What the hell?
Simmons: I knew there was a reason why we were armed!
Cut to Grif and Simmons running over to Sarge
Simmons: Sarge, what's wrong?
Sarge: What's wrong? What's wrong?! How bout' scheming, training, canarving, commiserating, colluding. Take your pick! Also, building a giant robot. Those Blues are up to no-good!
Grif: And here I was thinking something important was about to happen.
Simmons: But sir, didn't we build a robot first?
Lopez 2.0: ¿Están hablando de mí?[You guys talking about me?]
Sarge: Lopez 2.0 doesn't count. He's about as useful as a box full of Grifs.
Grif: Hey! I'm offended.
Lopez 2.0: Oh...bien.[Oh... Okay.]
Sarge: Men, I know we have considered the Blues to be our quote "allies" unquote for some time now, but we have to look at the facts.
Simmons: What facts?
Sarge: Number one: they now possess a tank on legs that's capable of killing us all.
Simmons: Okay...
Sarge: And number two is that we didn't have our own Number one first! Clearly this is a conspiracy.
Grif: So, what do you expect us to do about it?
Sarge: I need you boys to conduct some reconnaissance. Secure intel. get deep in Charlie's bush. Initiate Delta force! Tango and Cash!
Grif: Are these orders or 80's action movies?
Sarge: Find out exactly what those pesky blues are up to.
Simmons: You mean go over there? Near that monster?
Grif: See! This is exactly the robot overlord shit I was talking about! If only someone had listened!
Sarge: It will be dangerous, but I have confidence that at least one of you will survive! (pause) Simmons.
Grif: Why aren't you coming?
Sarge: We've had a major breach in security! One of the bags in my wall tore open and now there's sand all over the place.
Grif: (sarcastically) I can see how that might take priority.
Sarge: (sigh) It's likely that we'll never fully recover, there's just so many tiny crevasses!
Simmons: Sarge, please! I don't wanna upset the Mantis!
Grif: What's a Mantis?
Simmons: The giant robot!
Grif: Oh... Why's it called that?
Simmons: I don't know, 'cause it's green? That's not the point!
Sarge: Well that's not a very good reason to call it a Mantis.
Lopez 2.0: Tal vez lo llaman Mantis porque tiene un sistema de camuflaje avanzado que utiliza para atrapar enemigos.[Perhaps they call it Mantis because it has an advanced camouflage system that it uses to ensnare enemies.]
Sarge: Whatever dum-dum. Can't you see we are talking strategy!
Grif: Stupid new Lopez!
Simmons: Look the Blues are no more dangerous than this idiot.
Lopez 2.0: Oye...vamos chicos. Córtenla.[Hey... come on guys. Cut it out.]
Simmons: But that robot could flatten us in an instant.
Sarge: You raise an excellent point Simmons.
Simmons: I do?
Sarge: Yep, so you better not get spotted while you're out there.
Grif starts walking
Grif: Uhh... let's just get this over with.
View of Grif and Simmons walking to the Blue base
Simmons: But I'm telling you the Blues aren't up to anything.
Cut to view inside the ship where Wash is walking past a corridor where a sign written: "FOOD REFRIGERATION/ STORAGE" can be seen
Washington: Alright... change of plans.
Fade to black
Gallery[]
Trivia[]
- The Blues questioning why Freckles is called a Mantis could be a reference to Red Gets a Delivery where the Reds discuss a name for their Warthog and Grif questioning why it is called a Warthog.
- At 2:31, when the Mantis HUD is displayed 'missile' is misspelled as 'missle'.
- This is the first time Grif's first name is spoken in the show outside of PSAs.
- Grif references the fact that since Red vs Blue takes place in a FPS game, they can't drop their guns.
Video[]
