You Had Me at Halo is a special Valentines Day PSA of Red vs. Blue: Relocated.
Characters[]
Red Team[]
Blue Team[]
Other[]
- Washington
- Doc (Mentioned only)
Synopsis[]
Simmons and Grif find Caboose in a depressed state. He is sad because it is his first Valentine's Day without Church. He has a flashback of previous Valentine's Days trying to talk to Church with Church insulting him. Simmons and Grif then decide to insult Caboose to make him feel better.
Transcript[]
Fade in to the Reds firing at Caboose, who is hiding behind a rocky outcropping and crying
Caboose: Oh, boo hoo.
Grif: Hey what's wrong with you Caboose?
Caboose: What? Nothing.
Grif: Come on, we've been shooting at you for like twenty minutes, and you haven't run away screaming once.
Caboose: (sigh)
Grif: It's just not like you.
Caboose: I'm sad.
Grif: Sad?
Caboose: I know. It's just... Do you know what today is?
Grif: Absolutely no clue. What day comes after yesterday?
Caboose: It's Valentine's Day.
Grif: It is?
Simmons: Hey, what's going on up here!?
Grif: Caboose is in a depression.
Simmons: It's called a foxhole, you idiot. Haven't you learned any military terms yet?
Grif: No, I mean he's depressed.
Caboose: *moaning sigh*
Grif: See?
Simmons: Sad? Who gives a fuck, we're trying to kill him. Let him be sad when he's dead. Hey, you, stop having feelings.
Grif: Apparently he's upset because it's Valentine's Day.
Simmons: It's what?
Grif: Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day? The day we celebrate love? And romance? You know, girls?
Simmons: Oh, oh- oh yeah, right, yeah, duh, I totally know about that day. I celebrate that day all the time. With all kinds of ladies.
Grif: You don't have to try and impress me.
Simmons: Oh you just don't know any of them and uh, I didn't talk about it because you know, that wouldn't be cool.
Grif: Yeah I'm sure. So why didn't you know what Valentine's Day was?
Simmons: Oh I just didn't understand what you said.
Grif: Well what'd you think I said?
Simmons: Valentine's... doy?
Grif: Ah yeah, I can see how that would throw you off.
Caboose: Boo hoo hoo.
Grif: Oh come on, man.
Caboose: I'm all alone now. Church was always my valentine.
Grif: Why don't I believe that?
Caboose: It's true. We had a tradition.
Cut to Church in the past, with Caboose approaching from off screen
Caboose: Hey, Church. Happy Valentine-
Church: Get the fuck away from me!
Cut to Church in the past, with Caboose approaching from off screen
Caboose: Church. Would you be my-
Church: Get the fuck away from me!
Cut to Church and Wash in the past, with Caboose approaching from off screen
Caboose: Hey Church, Agent Washington. Nice weather.
Church: I guess, okay.
Caboose: I wonder if we'll find all those mean computer people today.
Church: Whatever, fine.
Caboose: You know, because, today would be a great day to find them, since today is-
Church: GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!
Cut back to Caboose in the depression/foxhole near Grif and Simmons in the present
Caboose: I miss him so much!
Grif: Well you probably shouldn't.
Caboose: He loved me!
Simmons: Yeah, I have no idea why you'd think that.
Caboose: If he didn't love me, then why on every Valentine's Day did he give me my very own heart?
Grif: That was your heart! After he pulled it out of your chest! Don't you remember? It would always take Doc hours to sew it back in.
Simmons: Man, he used to bitch about that so much.
Caboose: And now it feels like it's been ripped out again, but you know more symbolically this time, instead of like the regular way.
Simmons: Would you feel better if we made fun of you and called you names?
Caboose: Would you mind?
Simmons: Not at all, you stupid fucking shithead.
Caboose: Thanks guys. You're the best.
Video[]
