|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|Airdate|| August 21, 2016 (sponsors)|
August 22, 2016 (RT users)
August 28, 2016 (public)
Head Cannon is the sixteenth episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 14. It aired on August 21st, 2016 for sponsors, August 22nd, 2016 for Rooster Teeth site users, and August 28th, 2016 for the general public. It is the 298th episode overall.
Towards the end of the Blood Gulch Chronicles, Omega made his way into the minds of several of the Reds and Blues... and what he saw cannot be unseen.
Vic: Around the end of their time in Blood Gulch, the Reds and Blues had a run-in with one bad bro-chacho: the A.I. Omega. AKA O’Malley. AKA Lord Satan von Kills-a-lot. This dude-a-rino had a habit of infecting people’s brains via helmet radios, making them do all sorts of evil stuff. Yeah, I don’t get how it works either, but man! What I wouldn’t give to see what he saw inside their heads… If only there were some kind of short story was… Ha-ha-AWW, YEAH!
The words “Head Cannon" float into frame. Fade in to the Reds hunting down Caboose in their jeep. Caboose is hiding behind a tree.
Simmons: Come out so I can shoot you ya fuckstick!
Grif: Where did Caboose go?
Sarge: I don't see him. Caboose!
Simmons: Come out Caboose, all we wanna do is shoot you!
Caboose: Don't listen to them, it's a trick!
The Warthog's radio starts picking up the Blues
Tex: (over radio) This is Freelancer Tex broadcasting on an open channel.
Church: (over radio) This is Private Church broadcasting on an open channel.
Grif: Why are the Blues on the radio?
Simmons: Who knows? (radio turns on) Hey Blues, shut the fuck up, get off our radios and quit running our batteries down!
O'Malley shoots in to Simmons' open radio frequency. Inside Simmons’ mind, he pops in.
O'Malley: Yes, your mind now belongs to me, Tex. With your body, I shall exact my diabolical- Wait a minute…
O’Malley sees a slab, a bookshelf filled with books, and a Simmons bust.
O'Malley: What is- Are those? No. Nooo! This is not the brain that I meant to infest!
Simmons and Grif walk in to see O’Malley.
Simmons: Oh, my, a guest. Hello there. (to Grif) We have a guest. Grif, you idiot, fetch his coat, and give him a glass of our finest Irish whiskey.
Grif: (Whining) Do I have to? I’m just so lazy and gross, and I’m pretty sure I disrespect you behind my back. I just can’t prove it yet.
Simmons: Don’t make me repeat myself!
Grif: Fi-ine! (walks out, stops, and whispering) I don’t respect you.
Simmons: (sigh) Sorry about that, I’m so happy you here. Welcome to Chez Simon. It’s not often you have company.
O’Malley: I’m leaving!
Simmons: What!? But you just got here, you can’t leave!
O’Malley: If you attempting to hold me against my will, I shall remove your eyes in your tiny skull, and replace them with ping-pong balls with similar eyes drawn on them!
Sarge walks in
Sarge: This guy causing you trouble, Simmons?
Simmons: (sigh) Stand down, Sarge. Stand down. I’m sure it’s just a miscommunication. Nothing to worry about.
Sarge: Understood. But if he gets up to any funny business, KAPOW! Heh heh heh.
O’Malley: Excuse me?
Simmons: Oh, Sarge, you’re the best commanding officer a gentleman could ask for.
Sarge: Well, that just means the world to me. Coming from you, son. And I don’t mean “son” as a term of endearment, or a celestial body, but as a subtle way of telling you that you secretly my true offspring, even though I’ll never admit it in public or to anyone else!
O’Malley: (groans) And here I thought the blue one was a delusional…
Simmons: Oh boy, I can’t wait to show you around. I've been planning this for a very long time.
O’Malley: You planned to have your mind invaded by Artificial Intelligence?
Simmons: You could never be too careful. Now first, I have some saved-up extra credit homework from my twelfth grade calculus class, I figured we could do that together and then daydream about all the pretty girls I had crush on in college–I remember all of them–uh, they usually hang out next to the repressed memories I have of them rejecting me.
O’Malley: And where is that?
Simmons: You know, I don’t remember…
O’Malley: I will not stand for this torture! (hits Simmons to the head)
Simmons: Aah, not the face!
Cut to Blood Gulch where Simmons was possessed by O’Malley
O’Malley: Do it now, or I will kill every last one of you! And then everyone else here as well! Just to prove a point! Mwahahahahahahaha!
Cut to Simmons’ mind
Simmons: Wait a minute, who said that? Did I say that?
O’Malley: We said it, you fool! I’m in control now! Hahahahahaha!
Simmons: Whoa, I sound badass. Make me tell Grif to suck it!
Cut to Blood Gulch
O'Malley: Suck it you fool!
Sarge: And what's wrong with your voice?
O'Malley: Nothing. Why does something have to be wrong with my voice? Maybe something's wrong with your voice. Ever think about that, cocksucker?
Cut to Simmons’ mind
Simmons: Shit! No! Nonononono! Sarge is gonna kill me!
Cut to Blood Gulch
Simmons: I mean cocksucker, Sir!
O'Malley: Muahaha, hahaha.
Cut to Simmons’ mind
O’Malley: There. Happy, you dimwit?
Simmons: Yep. Nailed it, asshole.
Cut to Blood Gulch
O'Malley: Simmons is getting a promotion. Mahaha, mua-
Tex creeps up on Simmons and knocks the O'Malley out of him.
O'Malley: Ow, the back of my lower legs! Ow, the side of my head! The back of my face! The front of my front!
Cut to Simmons’ mind, rumbling appears where Tex is beating him.
Simmons: Hey, wait! Tex is beating us up!
Simmons: And gimme the controls back, you’re doing it wrong!
O’Malley: Not a chance, you paper-skinned nitwit! Listen to me, you’ve been walked all over your entire life. Aren’t you ready to take charge, and change that?! Hahahaha!
Simmons: Yeah, yeah! Yeah, I am! I am ready!
O’Malley: Good! Good! Hahahaha! Then trust me, and together, we will rule this galaxy and-
Caboose: (over radio) Church, are we still talking on the radio?
O’Malley: Oh, thank God, an exit! (pops out)
Simmons: What, no! Come back! I said I was ready! Noooooooo!
Grif: (walks in) Hey, this is just like that time with your dad!
Simmons: (cries) Shut up!
Cut to Blood Gulch, O'Malley returns through the air to Caboose via radio
O'Malley: Muhahahahaha! 'Cause I'd love to talk on the radio. What? What am I doing in this idiot?
Tex runs toward Caboose, dumps her body, and Spirit Tex enters Caboose
Church: (groan) Crap. Sarge, I need you to do me a favor.
Cut to Caboose’s mind, O’Malley sees Caboose’s interpretation of Tucker, Sarge, Grif, Simmons, and Donut, who are speaking inaudibly
O’Malley: I’m going. To kill. All of you.
Tex pops in
Mental Grif: Ah, it’s Tex! Run away! (he along with the crew run away)
Tex: Hey, O’Malley.
O’Malley: Well, look who it is! Hahaha.
Tex: I don’t wanna fight you. I wanna talk.
O’Malley: Oooh! Hahahahahaha! It appears you’re finally ready to play our little game. Very well. Let’s talk, Tex. Assuming of course no-one will barge in here to force me out of this-
Cut to Donut’s mind, O’Malley unexpectedly pops in
O’Malley: (groans) I can’t help but feel I set myself up for that one.
Donut appears on the podium
Donut: Gentlemen and gentlemen, please welcome the man of the hour: Franklin. Delano. D-D-Donut! (crowd cheering and clapping) Thank you! Thank you! The pleasure’s all mine!
O’Malley: Oh, dear God. Please tell me I’m not where I think I am.
Donut: Well, hey there, Omega! Welcome to my Lightish-Red Head!
O’Malley: Do not. Ever! Call it that again!
Donut: You got it, buddy. The cool kids all call it the “Donut Hole”, anyway!
O’Malley: Then my first order of business will be murdering the “cool kids”.
Cut to Blood Gulch where Donut was possessed by O’Malley
O'Malley: Wuhuhuhaa, huha! No! It's my body! It's my choice! And another thing: why do I do as much work as you guys, but I only make ninety-two percent-
Tex beats Donut in the back of the head and knocks him down. Cut to Sarge’s mind where O’Malley pops in.
O’Malley: Blast! Where the devil am I now?
Sarge: (points shotgun at O’Malley) Freeze, dirtbag!
O’Malley: Oh, goddammit.
Sarge: Alright, soldier, I want rank and name on the pronto! We got a war to win!
In the background, some Reds and Blues are fighting over, the third Blue taking down
Caboose: Alas, I have tripped!
Sarge: The blues are scheming, there’s an evil A.I. on the loose, and senility keeps trying to overtake the hippocampus!
O’Malley: And who are they?
O’Malley and Sarge see Grif clones, speak inaudibly. Sarge puts his rocket launcher.
Sarge: Stress relief. (shoots at Grif clones who were taking down)
O’Malley: Well, I-
Cut to Blood Gulch, Tex knocking Sarge down, and O'Malley shoots into Grif. Inside Grif’s mind, he pops in.
O’Malley: I’m really growing rather tired of this.
O’Malley: (sees nothing but a couple of crates) What? No characteristic decorations? No comedic interpretations?
Grif: Eh, who’s got time for that.
Simmons appears on the background, mocks Grif
Simmons: You smell and you’re gross and no-one likes you and everyone likes meeee. (runs away)
Grif: (chases Simmons) Get back here, you little shit!
Cut to Blood Gulch, Grif falls asleep inside his armor
Doc: We're here, is anyone hurt?
O'Malley moves back to Doc
O'Malley: Anyone need to be killed? Huhuhahahahuhuhuh!
Church: I know that laugh! Nobody move!
O'Malley moves to Church. Inside Church’s mind, he pops in.
O’Malley: Wraah! That’s it! I can’t take it anymore! I… I-uh… I-uh… Wait a minute, this place. It feels…familiar… (light appears) What’s this?
Church, who is in spirit form, comes down to earth to see O’Malley
Church: Uh, hey. So I guess you like, what, here to take over my brain?
O’Malley: I, uh… Wait, you’re not going to oppose me?
Church: (groans) Look, man. I’ve been running this mess all by myself for years. If you really want a piece of this bullshit, then by all means. I really cannot be bothered to care at this point.
O’Malley: Yes, yes! Hehehehe- This is it! Finally! I’ve never felt at home. I’ve never felt more alive! This is it! This is the beginning of the end for all! Nothing can stop us now! JUST NOTHING CAN STOP US-
Cut to Blood Gulch, Tex hits Church in the back of the head.
O’Malley: Oh, fuck.
- This episode takes place during the events of Why Were We Here?, and reuses footage from the episode.
- When Omega appears inside people's minds, he appears as his purple Doc-possessed O'Malley persona voiced by Matt Hullum, rather than the white "pure" A.I. persona voiced by Burnie Burns he had appeared as previously when not in possession of a human.
- Although Omega possess Doc briefly, his mind is not seen. This is possibly because Omega had already possessed Doc for a lengthy period of time already, and would not be surprised by anything he saw in Doc's head.
- A graphical error can be seen throughout this episode, during which the ammo counter for the characters' battle rifles can be seen through the side of the weapon.
- This episode is the first instance of Tex speaking a line since Season 10, and her first instance of appearing with an emblem on her armor in the Halo 2 engine.
- Tex appears briefly with the other Freelancers in Season 13, and does speak a line, although this is only an illusion intended to disturb Carolina.
- Female Donut is voiced by Barbara Dunkelman in this episode, likely due to the fact she was previously voiced by Jordan Burns, Burnie Burns' then-wife. She also wrote this episode.
- This episode confirms that Simmons was abandoned by his father and reveals his delusional belief that Sarge is secretly his father, to the point where his mental projection of Sarge is even convinced of this. Also it is revealed that Sarge himself is almost senile due to his old age.
- Nine years after the original episode was released fans finally get a glimpse inside Church's head when Omega attempted to possess it. This moment was heavily debated among fans as when the episode was first aired, many believed that Church's already angry personality canceled out Omega's control. Later in Reconstruction, Washington speculates that Omega couldn't possess Church because he was in fact the Alpha. Now it is revealed that Omega was indeed capable of controlling Church's body but his surprise that Church was really the Alpha is what stopped him from immediately doing so. When Omega did attempt to control Church's body, the blow to Church's head delivered by Tex is what prevented him.