|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|"MIA: Episode 4"|
|Airdate||December 3, 2011|
- Grunts (Voice Only)
The Reds announce their suprise attack on the Blues and tell them to surrender. Simmons also accidently announces their missing soldier, in which Sarge quickly tries to cover it up. Church tells them that they already know Grif is missing, leading to Sarge accusing them for kidnapping in retaliation. After much insulting banter, Sarge demands that the Blues hand over Grif, even attempting to make a bargain for him. Church explains to them that the Blues don't have Grif at all, also stating that the Reds probably don't have anything good to bargain with either. Getting an idea, Tucker propses a plan to get Grif back; a plan that takes 2 hours due to Caboose asking many questions. The plan is for the Blues to help the Reds find Grif, in exchange for the Reds giving the Blues all of their supplies and vehicles. Tucker states that he has "a guy" to help them on their search. Simmons grabs the ransom note and the Reds and Blues hop in the Warthog, venturing off to find Grif.
In another location, the group gets lost. Church berates Simmons because he stated he knew where the city was. Simmons fires back saying he does know where the city is, but does not know where they are in relation to it, angering Church even more. After the two continue to argue, Sarge recognizes a building. Inside the building, a high-pitched voice is heard announcing "praise for the flag". Sarge, dissapointedly recognizing the voice, tells the Blues to go inside and ask for directions, in which Church questions why. Inside, the voices increase in number, all chanting "KILL THE REDS! KILL THE REDS! KILL THE REDS! KILL THE REDS!"
The Red team is heard firing at the Blue team
Church: Get down!
Tucker: Man, screw these guys!
The Red team are on a hill overlooking Blue base, Church and Tucker hidden behind cover
Sarge: Hey, Blue team! We have come to destroy you in a surprise sneak attack! Surrender immediately before you have time to recover and do anything crazy!
Simmons: Yeah! Like count how many soldiers we have.
Sarge: Simmons, stop helping!
Simmons: Sorry, Sir! I’m really bad at banter.
Church sticks his head out of cover, Tucker still crouched
Church: Hey, Reds! Go screw, we know you’re missing a guy!
Sarge: You know that because you kidnapped him!
Tucker: Why would we kidnap Grif?
Church: I don’t know. Maybe they think we have a collection of the most disgusting things on the planet. We need an orange one to complete the whole set.
Caboose steps on screen behind Church in the background
Caboose: Gotta catch ‘em all!
Simmons: Suck it, Blue!
Tucker: (to Church) Get down!
Tucker: He said “duck it!”
Church: No, he said “suck it!” Why would he say “duck it” if he didn’t throw something?
Tucker stands up
Tucker: Hey, Red! Did you say “suck it” or “duck it”?
Simmons: I said “suck it!” Why would I say “duck it” unless I threw something?
Church: (to Tucker) See? Told you.
Sarge: Give us back Grif, you dirty Blues! (pause) What do you want for him?
Church: What do we want?! We don’t want anything – we don’t have him! Besides, you guys don’t have crap, we know that.
Sarge: We have stuff, like… wuh, we have a jeep!
Tucker: Dude, are the Reds trying to give us their jeep?
Church: It sounds like it.
Tucker: Church, I have an idea. If we can find Grif before they do, we can use him as a bargaining chip to get all the Red team’s stuff!
Church: Tucker, the first thing any great leader learns is how to support great ideas from a squad just enough so they can take credit for them later when they work, or claim no responsibility when they fail miserably. So, let’s - kind of - do this
Tucker: Hey, Reds! We’re coming out! Now, we’re just gonna-
As Tucker starts to edge out from behind a rock slowly, Sarge and Simmons open fire and Tucker runs back behind the rock
Tucker: Wait! What the what?! I said I was coming out!
Sarge: Yeah… So we shot at you! That’s how battles work, genius!
Simmons: Actually, your announcing when you were leaving cover really helped!
Tucker: Well, I have a plan and you should hear it!
Sarge: Yeah, we really don’t want the other team to have plans. Gonna refer to my previous statement about this being a battle.
Tucker: No, a plan to get your guy back for you.
Sarge: (to Simmons) I don’t know, I don’t trust him. This could be a trick, Simmons.
Simmons: Or we could get Grif back…
Sarge: That was the trick part I was talking about.
Back on the Blue side…
Church: Tucker, are you sure about this?
Caboose: I’m not sure about it.
Tucker: Caboose, you’re not sure about anything.
Caboose: I’m not sure what you mean by that.
Simmons: Ok, we’ll listen to your plan!
Tucker: Great! I’m coming out then! (pause) …to tell you the plan!
Tucker: Which means you shouldn’t shoot at me!
Sarge: Oh… Ok. Damnit…
Two hours later, the Reds and Blues have discussed the plan, with the Red team’s jeep visible beside Blue base
Tucker: And that’s it. That’s my plan.
Sarge: Your plan is to help us find Grif and in exchange we give you all our supplies and vehicles?
Simmons: Why did that take two hours to explain?
Tucker: I don’t know. I guess because Caboose kept interrupting and asking questions.
Caboose: One last time to be sure. When you say “give us their stuff”… you mean our stuff, right?
Tucker: Their stuff.
Caboose: Which would then make it our stuff?
Tucker: Yeah, yeah, yeah, once they give it to us.
Caboose: Ok, you lost me again.
Simmons: How are you gonna help us find Grif?
Tucker: You said he was kidnapped, right? Well, I got this guy in the city. He can help us, give us a lead.
Church: What guy?
Tucker: Oh, you don’t know him. Don’t worry, I got a guy.
Church: You have a kidnap guy?
Tucker: No, he’s just a guy with good connections. My kidnap guy’s on vacation.
Simmons: I’ll grab the ransom note.
Tucker: Good, everyone in the jeep.
Caboose: I still can’t figure out whose team this is…
Everyone: Just get in!
Simmons, Sarge, Church and Caboose stand in a mossy canyon looking lost in front of a metal structure, with Tucker standing atop a tree trunk
Sarge: Where are we?
Simmons: Um… Don’t worry, the city has to be around here somewhere.
Church: You’ve been saying that for the last three hours. Just admit it. We’re lost! You have no idea where the city is.
Simmons: We’re not lost, I know where the city is. I’m just not sure where we are in relation to it.
Church: That’s what “lost” means!
Simmons: Hey, I’m not used to driving. Normally, Grif does it.
Church: Well, what do you do?
Simmons: I navigate.
Church: Then how did we get lost?!
Simmons: We’re not lost, I just don’t know where we are now.
Church: Stop saying the definition of the word lost and then saying we’re not it!
Caboose: Ok, now I’m lost.
Church and Sarge: Join the club.
Sarge looks into the doorway of the structure
Sarge: Hold on a hot minute. I think I recognise this place.
Blue Grunt Leader: Gentlemen! Let us bow our heads in praise of the flag!
Sarge: Oh no!
Sarge: I think you guys better go in and ask directions.
Church: Wait, why?
Blue Grunts: Kill the reds! Kill the reds! Kill the Reds! Kill the Reds! Kill the Reds!
Other Blue Grunt: Yeah!
Sarge: Um… Y’know… For some reason.
- Caboose says "Gotta catch em all", a reference to the hit anime Pokemon.