|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|Airdate||March 5, 2007|
Missed Direction is the fourteenth episode of the fifth season, the ninety-first episode of the Blood Gulch Chronicles, and the 96th episode overall.
In the cavern, Simmons, Sarge, and Donut search for Grif. Donut continues to insist that Simmons is a drug addict. They finally find Grif, who claims that he was kidnapped and asked for information. Envious, Simmons asks why someone who wanted information would take Grif.
At the Blue Base, Caboose attempts to distract Sheila, while Tex attempts to deactivate her. Unfortunately, Caboose's stupidity threatens to reveal the Blues' plans to Sheila, but Sheila is so fixed on his awkwardness that she does not notice Tex. She tells Caboose not to behave so strangely, or the other Blues may think that O'Malley is in him. She then says that she knows where Omega is, but before she can say the name, Tex succeeds in deactivating her, causing her to trail off, and Caboose to wonder who "Blllllaaaaarrrrgggg" is.
Fade in to Tucker wandering around outside the Blue Base
Tucker: Junior... Junior! Hey Junior, where'd you go?
Tucker: There you are.
Junior is inside the base.
Tucker: You little rascal.
Doc: (from around the corner) Okay Sister, any other conditions I should know about?
Sister: Uhm, let's see, you know about all the ways I'm contagious, so I don't know if there's anything...
Tucker walks toward the voices and sees Sister's armor lying on the ground without her in it
Tucker: Hey, what's going on here?
Sister: Oh! I'm colorblind.
Doc: Really? That's weird. But I don't think it'll cause any problems here. Okay, go ahead and bend over.
Sister: Sure. Like this?
Doc: Hwhoa, yeah! You're really limber. And in really great shape.
Sister: Hyeah I am.
Doc: I'm not playing against you in Twister.
Sister: Check this out.
Doc: Wowzers. I didn't even know a leg could bend that far. That is a leg, right? Okay. Oh and by the way, sorry if my hands are cold.
Sister: That's cool. Sorry my body's a little hot.
Tucker: Hey do you guys need any help in there?
Sister: Huh? Is someone spying on us? Yessss. Hot.
Doc: No, we're good. Hey, Sister? Do you want me to turn up the heat or something? You look like you're...
Sister: Eh. I'll be okay. Hard nipples won't kill you.
Tucker: I could just walk around this corner if you need me to. It wouldn't be a problem.
Doc: We got it! Hey sorry I got you all wet before. I don't even know how that bucket of baby oil got up on that shelf. That was weird.
Sister: That's okay, I think it'll actually help. Squeezing these puppies in to the armor can be a little difficult.
Tucker: Maybe I should just look in there and see if there's anything I can do.
Doc: No thanks, Tucker, maybe they need your help with the tank instead. You'd probably be a lot more valuable out there. What we're doing in here is pretty routine- hey, are you double-jointed?
Tucker: Don't rub it in.
Cut to Sarge, Simmons and Donut roaming the vast underground cave
Simmons: Come on, Grif should be right over here.
Donut: Don't listen to him Sarge, he's just tryin' to score more drugs to keep his habit alive! Remember last month when he asked for more money? It was for drugs!
Sarge: That was part of a budgetary meeting, Donut! He needed more funds for vehicle maintenance.
Simmons: I see something.
Sarge: Ah! There's my shotgun! Mission accomplished, excellent work men!
Sarge picks up his shotgun.
Sarge: Let's hang up a banner.
Donut: There's Grif.
Sarge: Oh right, and Grif. Excellent- somethinerother, you... peopl- why do I even bother.
Grif: (moans) What happened? What'd you do to me?
Simmons: We got knocked the fuck out, and the people who did it must have taken you.
Grif: Oh, right. Uh, they kept askin' me questions. They wanted information.
Sarge: Information- what did they-
Simmons: Whoa, whoa, whoa, they wanted information and they took you? Why wouldn't they take me?
Sarge: What did they look like?
Simmons: Sarge, please! I was right there next to you. If they needed information, why would they take you instead of me?
Grif: What're you, jealous? Geez!
Simmons: No, I just think if you're gonna drug and torture people, you don't need to insult their intelligence too. That's just mean.
Grif: Yeah, you're jealous.
Sarge: Besides, takin' all the fun outta interrogating.
Cut to Sheila, with Church and Caboose looking on from behind a grassy knoll
Caboose: I don't know what to say.
Church: Don't be nervous, just go out there, hold her attention, and don't say anything stupid. No wait- be natural. Say stupid stuff. Go!
Caboose walks up to Sheila and Church stays put
Caboose: Hello, Sheila. How are you doing?
Sheila: Oh, hello Caboose. Actually, I'm not functioning at my optimal capacity. My internal diagnostics indicate I am having mechanical issues. How are you?
Church: (whispering loudly) Caboose! Say good.
Caboose: What? Oh, good! Ubub- pretty good. Really good. I am great. I am absolutely perfect.
Church: That's too good.
Caboose: Now I am depressed. I am- doing- bad. I... I don't know if I can go on.
Sheila: You seem, distracted Caboose.
Caboose: Uh, I am not distracted, I'm not distracted, I am distracting, see, that's different 'cause I'm doing it to you!
Caboose: I mean I'm very distractable! Aheah, with a high degree of distract-ivity...ness. (clears his throat)
Church: Change the subject!
Caboose: Okay! Sheila, have you seen Tex?
Church: (loud) What? I mean- (quieter) What?
Caboose: Sheila do you know what my favourite thing to do is? Not look behind myself. You should try not doing that.
Caboose: Do you like to collect stamps?
Church: Hey Caboose? I think it's wrong for us both to die because you're an idiot, so I'm gonna take off now, okay I'll see ya bye.
Caboose: Please don't go.
Sheila: I am not leaving.
Caboose: Oh good. Good... Stay.
Sheila: You are acting strangely. And I would like to find out why.
Caboose: Oh. Okay. Um-
Sheila: Caboose, the Omega A.I. has been missing, and everyone has been attempting to find him. If you continue to act erratically, they may mistakenly think he is inside of you, and take drastic measures against you.
Caboose: Oh. I wouldn't want them to do that.
Sheila: Exactly. Luckily, I know where Omega is.
Caboose: You do? Where?
Sheila: He is inside Bluuuuuuoooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrr....
Tex: Got it!
Caboose: Who is Blurrr? ...Blerrrr.