|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|Airdate||June 4, 2004|
Tucker and Caboose briefly talk about Caboose's relationship with Sheila, until Tucker informs Sheila, who ignores the statement and announces that she and Lopez have decided to not help the Blue Team.
Meanwhile, a brief discussion among the Reds results in the decision for Grif and Donut to do reconnaissance, an assignment which Donut gleefully accepts as a 'spy mission.' Tucker tells Church about Sheila's decision, which Church is not happy about. Donut comes to the outside of a cave and overhears Doc and O'Malley arguing with each other. He then goes to inform the Red Team, but finds a tank, which he remembers was at the store, but as Sarge told him, there was no store. Grif looks through a sniper rifle as Donut is caught by Caboose and Tucker.
Caboose and Tucker are watching Sheila and Lopez from the top of Blue Base
Tucker: Man, Lopez and Sheila have been spending a lot of time together.
Caboose: I don't like it. He is not good enough for my Sheila.
Tucker: But they seem happy together.
Caboose: He is a bad influence and he is taking advantage of her because she is young and naive...and delicate.
Tucker: Delicate? She weighs like 200 tons, dude.
Caboose: She is a precious flower.
Tucker approaches Sheila and Lopez
Tucker: Hey guys, I have to ask you a favor. This might sound strange, but I think Caboose is getting kind of jealous of your relationship.
Caboose: (from a distance) Sheila! Come back to me! I made you a muffin!
Tucker: Anyway, could you just try to keep a low profile or something? We don't want some weird, horribly disgusting love triangle.
Sheila: Tucker, I've been speaking with Lopez, and we feel that the machine has been treated unfairly in this canyon.
Tucker: What're you talking about?
Sheila: On a regular basis, we are either being blown up, possessed by spirits, or just left out to rust.
Sheila: We have decided that until conditions improve, we are not going to help you in your battles.
Tucker: You're kidding, right?
Sheila: (barrel pointing right at Tucker's face) Do I look like I'm kidding?
Cut to Red Base
Sarge: It's very simple. We use a flea flicker maneuver with a run and gun two by two approach, tactical ops will be... aw hell, who am I kidding? Grif, Donut, just go stand in the way of their bullets while me and Simmons 2.0 sneak around back to grab Lopez.
Donut: Sounds like a plan!
Grif: No it doesn't! How about this time we try something that doesn't involve me being shot at or run over.
Simmons: Would electrified be okay?
Simmons: Well, I'm out of ideas.
Grif: Look, instead of running straight into enemy gunfire like we usually do, why don't we try some reconnaissance this time?
Donut: You mean like spy stuff? That would be cool! I could wear a spy tuxedo-
Donut: -with a hidden spy camera-
Donut: -inside a tiny spy bow-tie-
Donut: -or, I could wear a flower on my lapel-
Sarge: I said no!
Donut: -that sprays water in people's faces-
Simmons: Shut up Donut.
Donut: -no, a secret spy liquid, that would be awesome. (he chuckles, everyone stares)
Sarge and Simmons: No!
Grif: Maybe! Uh, I mean, no.
Donut: Oh, come on! I could be Double O Donut.
Simmons: You mean like, Doonut?
Donut: With a license to thrill, or be thrilled!
Sarge: Alright, since you're both so into the idea, Grif, Donut, you're on recon. Find us a way to break into their base, and report back on the double.
Grif: Great, more time alone with the idiot.
Donut: Grif, Grif, Grif, Grif, Grif, Grif! Lets pretend we're wearing super spy jet-packs! (Grif groans) No, no, no, no. Like this. (he makes jet-pack sounds as the scene transitions to a cliff while Donut continues to make jet-pack sounds)
Grif: Hey, can you not stop that for 2 seconds?
Donut: Come on Agent- (he clears his throat to speak with a lower voice) Come on Agent Grif, we've got to hurry if you want to save the princess from the evil goblins.
Grif: What princess? I thought you were pretending to be in a spy movie?
Donut: Look, my secret spy character gets to marry a beautiful princess in a castle, alright? Deal with it!
Grif: Donut, can you go find some higher ground or something?
Donut: But we're on higher ground now.
Grif: Why don't you use your jet-pack to get to the highest ground?
Donut: Good idea! I bet the Blues won't think of that.
Grif: No, if they were that stupid we probably would've won by now.
Donut: Secret Agent Donut, to the rescue! (he makes more jet-pack noises as he runs off)
Grif: I could just shoot him, no one would ever have to know. No one.
Scene cuts to Blue Base. Church is looking out over the canyon, Tucker approaches him
Tucker: Hey Church, we might have a problem.
Church: Is this a new problem, or did Caboose get his head stuck in the freezer again?
Tucker: New one. Sheila and Lopez are now considering leaving to form their own robot army. They said no one would dare oppose them.
Church: What?! Did you try to talk them out of it?
Tucker: No way, I wouldn't dare oppose them!
Church: Man, well we gotta find a way to separate them. Maybe it's time to get rid of Lopez.
Tucker: But without Lopez you wouldn't have a body to use. Why don't you just possess him like you normally do?
Church: I would, but it's getting harder to do each time. I think he's learned to fight it somehow.
Scene cuts to the cave Doc is in
Doc: You know, I really think we should try a non-violent approach to resolve this.
O'Malley: I agree, except replace the words "non" with "extremely!" And after the word "violent" include the phrase "blood explosion extraordinaire!" (he laughs evilly. Donut approaches the entrance to the cave.)
Donut: Hey, what's going on in there?
Doc: We can't do this! They're gonna find out! They'll find out about us, the machine, everything! (O'Malley laughs evilly again. Donut gets a little closer)
Donut: What the-! Those voices sound suspicious.
O'Malley: I will rip out their guts and feast on their entrails!
Doc: But I'm a vegetarian!
Donut: Oh, it's that guy whose name I forget. But where's the guy he's talking to?
Doc: We can't just sabotage their equipment. That's rude!
Donut: Sabotage? That doesn't sound too good.
O'Malley: I will devour their hearts and crap out their souls!
Donut: That sounds even worse!
O'Malley: They will all taste oblivion, which tastes just like Red Bull, which is disgusting.
O'Malley: All will perish! (he laughs evilly again)
Donut: All? That includes me! Oh man, I gotta tell the guys! (he runs away)
Doc: Hello? Who's there? Please help me! I'm scared of myself!
Donut arrives at the cave's exit
Donut: Gotta get back to base! (he begins running away) Back, to base! Oh man, there it is! (he approaches the base) Guys! Hey guys! Where is everybody? I saw something really weird in that cave that... (he sees Sheila) hey, that's cool. When did we get a tank? Wait a minute, this looks like the store. Except Sarge told me there is no store. (turns around) Oh no!
Caboose and Tucker are pointing their pistols at Donut
Tucker: Oh yeah!
Grif is watching from the cliff with a sniper
Grif: Oh crap! I knew I should've just shot him! (he turns and runs towards Red Base)
- This episode has multiple titles, all of which reference James Bond film titles.
|Format||Resolution||Full title||James Bond reference|
|High||"Dr. No-No"||Dr. No|
|Windows Media Video||Low||"You Only Spawn Twice"||You Only Live Twice|
|High||"From Blood Gulch With Love"||From Russia with Love|
|DivX||Low||"Dummies Are Forever"||Diamonds Are Forever|