|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|"The Brick Gulch Chronicles"|
|Airdate|| June 5, 2016 (sponsors)|
June 6, 2016 (RT Users)
June 12, 2016 (public)
The Brick Gulch Chronicles is the fifth episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 14. It aired on June 5th, 2016 for sponsors, June 6th, 2016 for Rooster Teeth site users, and June 12th, 2016 for the general public. It is the 290th episode overall. Unlike the previous four episodes, this episode takes place in a parallel universe and is unrelated to the main storyline.
- V.I.C. (Voice only)
- Malcolm Hargrove
- Malcolm's mom
In a parallel universe, Grif and Simmons discuss why they are doing guard duty in Red Base when it is supposed to be Sarge's turn. When they check on him, they discover that it is his birthday and they have forgotten to get him a gift. The two head to Blue Base and demand Caboose present them with a suitable gift, but Caboose tries to give them Church, who refuses to cooperate. The group is interrupted by the arrival of "the Overlord", Malcolm. Malcolm is a live-action child whose brother owns the Blood Gulch Crew as toys, and often sneaks into his brother's room to steal his toys for "science experiments", ignoring the protests of his mother. He abducts Grif, Simmons, and Church.
The group is taken to an area outside Malcolm's house, where they meet Donut, who had been abducted several days prior. Malcolm drops Donut into a vial of hydrochloric acid, dissolving him completely. However, before he can experiment on the others, his mother calls him inside to take out the trash. Grif, Simmons, and Church take the opportunity to jump onto his sneaker and ride his shoelace back inside, and Simmons grabs a firecracker to present to Sarge as a gift.
Inside the house, the group evades a black cat and an automated vacuuming robot. Malcolm's mother notices the group, picks them up, and places them on the kitchen counter. There, Grif notices a slice of pizza, which is gargantuan compared to his tiny proportions. Sarge and Tucker arrive riding Freckles to rescue the group. Church, Simmons, and Donut (who inexplicably reappears, much to their confusion) board Freckles, but Grif eats the entire pizza slice, rendering him unable to move. Malcolm returns and notices the toys. Simmons gives Sarge the firecracker, who lights it with his shotgun and has Tucker throw it at Malcolm. The firecracker proves completely ineffective against the much larger Malcolm, but his mother notices the detonation and admonishes him. Malcolm attempts to blame the toys, but realizes the implausibility of his story and retreats to his room. Malcolm's mother returns the crew to Blood Gulch. There, Caboose presents Sarge with a cake. However, he has used a firecracker as a candle, much to Church's horror.
V.I.C.: Yo, you ever hear that multiverse theory? Way, crazy, amigo. A bunch of eggheads think there's an unlimited number of parallel universes. Like, there could be one where no one has heard of Red vs. Blue. It could be like Green vs. Beige, or there could be a universe where we're all fish. I don't know why I said fish as an example; maybe there's a universe out there where I made a better analogy. Let's all swim to that one. Dude, there could even be a universe where we don't even exist, or we're just part of someone's dream. Maybe we're in that universe right now. Maybe this is all part of some kid's imagination. That... Would be weird.
Cut to Simmons and Grif standing on top of Red Base
Grif: You ever wonder why we're here?
Simmons: I actually have a theory about that. You see, it's all about connections, I'm connected to the ground, the ground's connected to you, you're connected to Blue base. It's like we're all one thing.
Grif: I can't decide if that's just deep or literal.
Grif: What I'm saying is why are here instead of getting lunch? Sarge was supposed to take over like five minutes ago.
Simmons: Huh. That's a good point.
Cut to inside of Red Base where Sarge is standing in front of Lopez with a party hat on
Sarge: Don't worry, Lopez, Grif and Simmons would never forget my birthday. (laughs) Yup. Any minute now, I'm sure they'll walk in here and give me the grrrrreeatest gift of all, their respect, and maybe a gift card, or a shotgun, or a gift card for a brand new shotgun, that shoots respect.
Cut to Simmons and Grif on the other side of the wall
Simmons: Oh, no. We forgot Sarge's birthday.
Grif: Yeah. Better luck next year.
Simmons: This is a big deal, Grif, it's too late for the traditional breakfast in bed!
Grif: What? Nobody does that.
Simmons: We have to make up for it. We need to get him a really special gift.
Grif: (whining cry) That sounds like work. What if we just grab something from around the base?
Simmons: Like what?! All we have here are grey blocks, black blocks, and grey-black blocks. We need to get him something special. Oh, I know.
Cut to Caboose standing on top of Blue base
Caboose: Halt! Who goes there?
Simmons: Listen, Caboose we are not here to mess around.
Grif: Yeah, only one of us is here to mess around.
Caboose: Which one of us is here to mess around? Is it me?
Simmons: Listen, Caboose, we want something from your base, and I don't care what it is, as long as it's valuable and important.
Caboose: Valuable and important, got it!
Grif: That was... Easy.
Simmons: Yeah, I was expecting more of a fight.
Church: Put me down.
Caboose: This is the most important thing in Blue base! He is very special and also my best friend!
Church: Caboose? Down!
Simmons: Sarge does like prisoners.
Church: I am not participating in whatever stupid thing it is you're doing, Red. Get lost!
Simmons: Come on Church! I mean think about it! You helping me is just like you helping yourself. We're all connected.
Church: Connected... Figuratively or literally you know what I don't even care.
Simmons: What about Freckles? Can we have your big killer robot? We need a birthday gift for Sarge.
Church: No way! Besides, what do you need a gift for? As long as you provided the traditional breakfast in bed you're fine.
Simmons: Told you.
Sarge: There you are! Fraternizing with the other team! Simmons! I am deeply disappointed in you. Grif, I consider this pretty much par for the course.
Simmons: We weren't Sarge. I swear. We were... Negotiating the Blue team's surrender.
Church: A round and round we go.
A giant step is heard
Grif: Does... uh... anyone else hear that?
Another giant step is heard
Sarge: I can't hear anything over all this treason!
Another giant step is heard
Sarge: Heard that though.
Tucker: I don't want to alarm anyone, but I'm pretty sure someone is coming. Bow chicka bow wow.
Church: Oh God the Overlord is back!
Pans outward to show a boy wearing a scientist lab coat and googles over his head crouching down to look at the Reds and Blues.
Boy: Any volunteers for first set of experiments?
View changes to Simmons, Grif, and Sarge holding still.
Simmons: Don't move, it's vision is based on movement.
Just as the boy reaches to grab Church...
Malcolm's mother (offscreen): Malcolm!
Malcolm turns around to reveal the Red's and Blues are actually on a Mega block set in a boy's room filled with models,
Malcolm's mother (offscreen): You're not in your brother's room, are you?
Malcolm: I'm just looking, Mom!
Malcolm's mother (offscreen): Those are you brother's toys, not yours!
Malcolm: I know! (sighs) The things I do for science.
Reaches out and grabs Grif and Simmons
Simmons: Oh no!
Grif: Not me!
Cuts to Caboose and Church
Caboose: Over here! Pick me!
Malcolm grabs Church.
Church: Oh, come on!
Cuts to Malcolm taking the three of them to the backyard where he sets up the Reds and Blue on a log and his science equipment behind the shed. Malcolm leaves. The Reds and Church break position.
Church: Oh! Where are we? Everything is so smooth and colorful!
Grif: It looks familiar, just... you know.., better. Is this Canada?
Church: Well, wherever we are, I don't think we're gonna be here long. (Sees the science equipment) The Overlord has plans for us.
Simmons: (sees firecrackers) Oh man! Sarge would love one of these!
Grif: You think the Overlord will grant me one last meal?
Church (exasperated): That's what you guys are thinking about?! Food and birthday presents?! Not, you know, getting out of here?!
Donut (out of nowhere): Well, what's the plan then, Church?
Brief, awkward pause.
Church: Donut? What are you doing here?
Donut: The Overlord abducted me days ago! I assumed you were the rescue operation!
Grif: Oh... no. We had no idea you were gone.
Malcolm returns with camera and stand. Begins filming himself with the Reds and Church in the background.
Malcolm: Experiment log 0-5-6-7-Niner.Today we will be testing the effects of hydrochloric acid, small explosives, and electricity on a collection of test subjects. (Switches to live action and he puts his goggles on) First, the acid.
Picks up Donut and holds him over the acid.
Donut (screaming): Remember me how I was!
Donut, still screaming, is dropped into the acid. His scream becomes muffled then fades away as he is dissolved.
Simmons: Donut! Nooooooo...
Grif: Meh, I'm sure he'll turn up in about three years.
Chruch: We just watched him die!
Grif (nonchalant): Happened before.
Simmons (still screaming): ...oooooooooooooo!
Cuts to Malcolm's mom opening the door to the backyard.
Malcolm's mom: Malcolm!
Malcolm (offscreen): What now, Mom? I'm doing a science.
Malcom's mom: Science can wait. I asked you twice to take out the trash already.
Cuts back to Church and the Reds
Church: It's now or never guys!
Throws away his gun and jumps off the log then grabs onto Malcolm's shoelace. Grif follows suit while Simmons runs off screen to grab a firecracker.
Simmons (running): You guys! Wait up!
Church (offscreen): Wait, what are you doing?
Simmons: We can't come back empty handed! (Grabs onto shoelace as well)
Malcolm gets up and goes back into the house. Church and the Reds fall off and are left lying on the tile floor. They slowly get up and look around to find themselves in the living room.
Church: Ok, we need some ideas, quick.
Grif: Oh! How about an AC DC cover band, but with all ukuleles? We can call ourselves "Ukulele-C DC.
Simmons: Or a t-shirt that looks the same backwards and forwards so it doesn't matter how you put it on.
Church (exasperated): I mean ideas on how to survive!
Grif: A saddle. For dolphins. (Looking over Church's shoulder) Just throwing that one out (stops short) there?
Grif and Simmons see a cat coming behind Church.
Church (stuttering): No more ideas! Let me think...
Grif (scared): It looks...like some sort of big cat!
Church (turning his head to Grif): What? (Turns around and sees the cat) Oh boy.
Simmons: Don't move. It's vision's based on movement.
Cat slowly approaches them, but suddenly turns around and runs away. Church and the Reds turn around to see what had scared the cat and see an automatic vacuum approaching them.
Simmons: No one move. It's vision's based on movement.
Grif (fed up): You say that about everything and it's never been true!
Church: Shut up and RUN!
Church and the Reds run for their lives and leap for safety as the vacuum passes by. Church and the Reds are laying on the kitchen floor.
Church: We're never getting out of here, we're never getting out of here, we are never getting out of here.
Camera slides upward to show Malcolm's mother talking on the phone.
Malcolm's mother: Oh, for sure! See, that's how I wish Malcolm was, ya know? Like playing video games like a normal kid.
Begins walking over to where the Reds and Church are laying on the ground.
Grif: Oh God, she's gonna crush us!
Moments before Malcolm's mother's foot is about to step on them, she stops and picks them up.
Malcolm's mother (annoyed): And of course there are toys on the floor.
She places them on the kitchen counter and leaves. Church and the Reds pick themselves up.
Simmons: At least we're off the ground. It's dangerous down there.
Church: Yeah, but he is gonna spot us when he gets back
Grif (looking around): We can just hide behind that piece of- (gasps)
Several feet away from them is a slice of pepperoni pizza on a plate.
Grif: Holy mother of Satan. (looks at Simmons) Dibs.
Church: Not now, we need the cover!
Grif (dramatic music begins to play in the background): No! You listen to me! I have been dragged along I don't know how many adventures and no one has ever asked what Grif wants! Well Grif wants pizza and no one is getting in Grif's way. (Dramatically pointing) Not you! Not Simmons! Not Sarge!
Sound of Sarge whooping as he and Tucker riding on top of Freckles jump onto the kitchen counter.
Sarge: Here come's the cavalry!
Church: Aw... you're kidding.
Sarge (triumphantly): Congratulations! You've been rescued.My perfect record of never leaving a an behind remains un-besmirched.
Simmons: Yeah... about that, Sarge. We lost Donut.
Donut (appearing behind Simmons): Actually, I'm right here!
Church (turning to Sarge): Ok, how did he do that?
Malcolm comes back into the house after taking out the trash and heads to the backyard.
Tucker (on top of Freckles): Everybody, get on!
Sarge: Hurry up, Grif!
Church (having climbed up Freckles): Grif, what are you-? (sees Grif) Oh, for the love of...
Shows Grif laying in the middle of the plate that had the pizza with crumbs around him.
Grif (groans): I regret nothing.
Church: Grif, we have to go, he's coming back.
Grif (somber music in background): Can't... move. Tell them... worth it... it was all... worth it...
Malcolm comes in from the backyard and sees the Reds and Blues on the counter.
Malcolm: There you are.
Freckles turns, the Reds and Blues now facing Malcolm.
Church (defeated): That's it. End of the line.
Simmons (turns to Sarge): Hey Sarge?
Simmons: Happy Birthday! (Hands Sarge the firecracker)
Sarge: Awwww, you remembered. (Lights the firecracker with his shotgun and hands it to Tucker)
Tucker: Alright, step aside ladies.
Tucker aims and then throws the firecracker at Malcolm, the firecracker flying through the air in slow motion. However, in reality, it lands a feet away from the counter, nowhere near Malcolm and harmlessly pops on the ground. Church and Sarge turn and looks at Tucker.
Tucker (disappointed): This has... never happened to me before. Bow chicka bow wow.
Malcolm looks in shock as he lifts his goggles when his mother storms in angrily into the room.
Malcolm's mother (furious): You have quite the nerve, Malcolm Hargrove. (Takes off his googles) Firecrackers? Inside the house?
Malcolm (stuttering): I-it wasn't me. It was the- (Malcolm's mother gives him a look and Malcolm gives up) I'm going to my room and never leaving. And my brother's toys are not my science experiment.
Malcolm's mother points him towards his room and Malcolm leaves, sadly with his head hanging. She sighs and takes the Reds and Blues back to the room. After she leaves, the Reds and Blues pick themselves up.
Sarge (facing Simmons): I... Simmons! Yeah... (lightly taps Simmons on the shoulder with the end of his shotgun) Good work! That was a fine piece of explosive you got me. Just what I always wanted.
Simmons: Oh, it wasn't just me, Sarge.
Church: Yeah, well, I guess some connections are just hard to break.
Grif (still on the ground): Kill... me...
Caboose (offscreen): Who wants cake?
Church, Simmons, and Sarge turn to see Caboose holding a mini cake with seemingly a giant candle sticking out of it.
Caboose: Yeah, I didn't know how old you are, so I just-I just-I just-well, one big candle.
Screen zooms out to show that the "candle" is actually just another firecracker with a lit fuse nearing the end of the rope.
Caboose (cheerfully): Happy Birthday!
Chruch (angrily): Son of a-!
Episode cuts to the credits.
- This is the first episode in the series to feature stop-motion animation.
- This is the fourth Red vs. Blue video to feature live-action, with the other three being the Season 10 episodes Remember Me How I Was and Don't Say It, and the PSA Sleeper.
- All the returning Blood Gulch Chronicles cast members have their dialogue recordings pitched slightly higher in this episode.
- This episode makes several references to running gags of the series: Donut is forgotten and killed, only to return later on (which Grif hints at once he dies); the warthog is referred to looking like a big cat/puma; Lopez appears as a decapitated helmet; and the tormenting child is revealed to be named Malcolm Hargrove, a reference to the head of Charon Industries and the main antagonist of Season 13.
- Malcolm's mom is played by Jen Brown, Carolina's voice actress. Malcolm Hargrove "the Overlord" is played by Dylan Cimbala. The cat is credited as "Lamar".
- As Malcolm Hargrove is grabbing the toys for his science experiment when the camera pans out, brick figures of Tex and headless Lopez can be seen in the background.
- At the start of the episode, V.I.C. comments on the possibility of a universe in which the characters/story are all part of some kid's imagination. In addition to foreshadowing the events of the episode, this may be a reference to The Lego Movie.