|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|"What's Yours is Ours"|
|Airdate|| April 12, 2015 (sponsors)|
April 13, 2015
What's Yours is Ours is the third episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 13. It aired on April 12th, 2015 for sponsors and April 13th, 2015 for the general public, and is the 268th episode overall.
- Several soldiers
- Malcom Hargrove (Mentioned only)
At Charon Research Complex 2C, a Fed approaches Carolina and Epsilon and informs them of their recovery of a domed energy shield. Carolina applauds the Fed and suggests they begin running some tests with it. Epsilon, however, states that they should instead focus on the floating tower, in which the Fed clarifies that it is actually a temple created by the aliens. Surprised by this, Epsilon and Carolina question the Fed on the temple, in which the latter explains that many of Chorus' inhabitants see these alien-structures as commonplace, with some of them even having visited them on tours.
After Carolina tells the Fed to go secure the Freelancer equipment, Epsilon expresses his concerns about the temple despite how the residents of Chorus see it. Carolina then proposes they get help from someone who is an expert on the planet's alien technology: Dr. Grey. Dr. Grey is teleported to the research complex and explains, rather quickly, that the temple emerged from the ground after the UNSC pulled out but hasn't shown any activity thus far. After Tucker and Sarge enter the scene, Carolina orders Dr. Grey to study Charon's research while she and Epsilon take care of some armor upgrades.
After they leave, Grif and Simmons suddenly teleport to the complex, with Tucker and Sarge wondering what took them so long to arrive. They explain that they had to leave Donut and Lopez in charge of the armory, with Lopez speaking to the troops and Donut incorrectly translating for him. After Grif grabs the pirates' weapons collected by Sarge and Tucker's team with a teleportation grenade, Dr. Grey announces her discovery over the intercom and asks for the Blood Gulch Crew to come see her.
Inside the compound, Dr. Grey reveals to the Reds and Blues that Charon have been trying to activate many of the alien temples, primarily the one near the complex. She also states that she is going to find out what the nearby temple does and asks for volunteers to join her. Sarge and Tucker agree to accompany her but Grey recommends that a four man team would be ideal, prompting Epsilon to suggest a particular person: Caboose. Caboose is teleported to the complex and is overjoyed about going on the "field trip", running around the entire compound. Tucker, unfortunately, is less than cheerful.
Fade in to Charon Research Complex 2C. A Fed approaches Carolina and Epsilon staring at the alien tower.
Fed Soldier 1: Agent Carolina, we've retrieved what appears to be a domed energy shield from within the complex.
Carolina: The bubble shield? Are you sure?
Fed Soldier 1: Uhh...
Cut to two Fed soldiers.
Fed Soldier 2: What's it do?
The other fed flicks the handle and activates the shield, knocking the soldier back. A scream is heard offscreen, followed by a clatter. Cut back to outside the complex.
Fed Soldier 1: Yeah, we're pretty sure.
Carolina: That's great. We can hook it up and start running some tests in a few hours.
Church: (turning to Carolina) Hey, whoawhoawhoa, slow down. What about the giant floating tower in the sky? Did you forget about that crazy bullshit?
Fed Soldier 1: What, the temple?
Carolina and Church turn to him.
Fed Soldier 1: (skeptical) That the aliens made?
Church: I'm sorry. What?
Carolina: You're familiar with that structure?
Fed Soldier 1: I- I mean I think most of us are, yeah.
Church: Alright, I'm gonna stop you right there. You're telling me that people on this planet are just used to seeing flying space shit like that?
Fed Soldier 1: Pretty much.
He turns to another Fed soldier walking by.
Fed Soldier 1: (shouts) Hey Randy! You 'ever seen one of those alien towers before?
Randy: (shouts) Oh yeah! My dad took me to one when I was a kid!
Fed Soldier 1: They're nice, right?
Randy: Oh yeah! They had funnel cake outside, too!
Fed Soldier 1: Oh, I remember that!
Randy: (chuckles as he walks off) Yeah. Good times.
Fed Soldier 1: (turns back to Carolina and Church) So yeah, I mean, pretty common.
Church: How is this not a bigger deal?
Fed Soldier 1: Well, come on, man. I mean, they've been around forever and they don't really do anything-
Church: (agitated) IT'S A GIANT FLYING TOWER!
Fed Soldier 1: And you're a dead guy that's also somehow an AI, okay? That shit's weird too, but you don't hear me going on about it.
Carolina: Enough. Just secure the Freelancer equipment. Epsilon and I will be by in a few minutes.
Fed Soldier 1: (sighs as he walks back inside) Yes ma'am.
Cut to the two facing the mysterious alien temple.
Church: But I don't care what these guys say, those towers aren't some fucking tourist trap. They're important. Remember the tractor beams? At Crash Site Alpha? Charon is studying these things and making them do shit. That's bad.
Carolina: I get it. So, who would you say is our resident expert on alien technology?
Cut to Doctor Emily Grey squealing.
Grey: Conducting research in the field! Oh, I knew today was gonna be a good day!
Carolina & Church: (reluctantly) Hello, Doctor Grey.
Grey: Oh, I can't tell you how nice it is to get out of the office and away from all the complaining! "My leg hurts!" "I need blood!" "But I don't want to have a robot arm!"
Carolina: (exchanging a glance with Church before turning back) ... Right. Well, the reason we called you here is-
Grey: (interrupting) To investigate the alien temple Charon’s been studying, yes dear, you told me on the radio. Not surprising, really; emerged from the ground shortly after UNSC pulled out, never did anything sadly but that doesn’t mean that they won’t! Thankfully, I spent time brushing up on their history in between college internships. Aren’t you so happy we’re such close friends?
Carolina: (skeptical) I am...so thankful.
Tucker and Sarge walk up.
Tucker: Oh great, the mad scientist finally showed up.
Sarge: Hey, what’s the status on that robot arm I ordered?
Grey: Still in the trial stages, Colonel! Volunteers are proving hard to come by.
Sarge: Well, that’s ridiculous.
Church: Yeah, robot parts just... aren’t really all they’re cracked up to be. Trust me.
Carolina: Why don’t you go take a look at Charon’s research? Epsilon and I have a few armor upgrades to take care of.
Grey: Don’t mind if I do!
She and Carolina walk off, and a teleportation grenade activates once they’re gone, revealing Simmons and Grif flat on their backs. They get up with some groaning.
Grif: Gah! I hate that.
Simmons: At least you don’t get headaches...
Sarge: Grif! Simmons! You’re late!
Grif: (sighs) You were saying?
Tucker: What took you guys? It’s instant teleportation.
Simmons: Well, we had to make sure Lopez and Donut could handle things while we were gone.
Tucker: You hand out weapons and ammo, how hard can it be?
Simmons and Grif exchange a look. Cut to the armory, where Lopez and Donut are facing a line of soldiers.
Lopez: Bienvenido a la armería. ¿Cómo podemos ayudarlo?[Welcome to the armory. How may we assist you?]
Donut: Lopez says you’re two days late on your weapon rental!
Lopez: ¡¿Por qué insistes en traducir por mí cuando les podrías hablar ti mismo no más?![Why do you insist on translating for me, when you could just be talking to them yourself?!]
Donut: Whoa, no need to call the man a turkey baster, Lopez! Everyone makes mistakes. (whispering to the Fed soldier in front of him) Forgive him, it’s his fiery Latin temper.
Cut back to Simmons and Grif.
Simmons: Yeah, harder than you think.
Grif: So, you got the goods?
Sarge: You’re darn right we do!
Cut to the goods.
Sarge: (excitedly) Weapons! Ammo! Laser beams! You name it! It’s Christmas come early! Unless you’re looking at it from the pirates’ point of view, in which case, it’s kinda the opposite.
Simmons: Excellent work, sir. Another enemy outpost taken down. I just wish I could’ve been there to see you on the battlefield.
Tucker: Why don’t you guys come with us on the next mission?
Simmons: Whohohokay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.
Grif: Better start packing this stuff up.
He throws a teleportation grenade, and the pile of weapons, ammo, and laser beams disappear instantly.
Grif: Well, that’s enough back-breaking labor for one day.
The PA system crackles to life.
Grey: (shouts) Eureka!
Grey: (over the PA system) I made a discovery!
Tucker: Damn. And I thought I was fast.
Tucker: I mean, uh, what? Nothing.
Soldier: (over the PA system, with the sound of a struggle) Ma’am, g-give me back the microphone!
Grey: (over the PA system) Hold on!
A crash is heard offscreen.
Grey: All Freelancer-related people, get your butts in here!
Soldier: (over the PA system) Ma’am! Please, calm down!
Grey: (over the PA system) You have no appreciation for modern science!
There is more clattering; the PA system turns off. Cut to inside the facility, where Grey is standing facing Grif, Simmons, Tucker, and Sarge. Carolina walks in.
Carolina: That was fast.
Tucker: Look, it’s completely normal, okay?
Church: Wait, what?
Grey: (screams) Quiet! (clears throat) Thank you. Now, say what you want about our enemies-
Simmons: They suck.
Sarge: They’re dirtbags.
Tucker: Total dicks.
Church: Yeah, not an invitation to talk, guys.
Grey: -but you can’t discount their ambition. Or intelligence, for that matter.
Carolina: (looking around) There’s a reason Chairman Hargrove got to where he is now.
Grey: This compound isn’t one of Charon’s typical munitions factories or radio jammers. They’re not disassembling alien artifacts here, they’re trying to turn them back on. And that tower you saw seems to be their primary target.
Church: Ohh, see, who called that? Me!
Simmons: So what does it do?
Grey: That’s exactly what I intend to find out! Now, who’s down for a field trip?
Tucker: (confusedly) Uhhh, what?
Grey: Well, if I’m going to take a look at this tower, I’ll require an escort. How about you, Simmons, you’ve always seemed intelligent.
Simmons: Oh! Thank you!
Grey: Well, compared to your friends.
Simmons: Wh- why did you feel the need to add that?
Grif: No way! This shit’s got Blue Team Problems written all over it.
Tucker: Aw, c’mon, man!
Grif: Hey, you’re the one that grabs swords and fucks aliens, alright? So don’t come crying to me.
Carolina: Epsilon and I should stay behind in case Charon launches a counterattack.
Church: Yeah, and I can try to get through some of this data while you’re out.
Sarge: (chuckles) Well, don’t you worry about it, little lady, me and Aquaman over here can handle whatever diabolical schemes those no-good space pirates may be preparing for us this very moment.
Grey: Oh no, you’ll mainly just be carrying my survey equipment to the site.
Sarge: Ah. Right! Then we’ll... carry... that stu- we’ll carry the shit outta that stuff.
Tucker: Mm, fine, let’s just get this over with.
Grey: Actually, a four-man team would be ideal. You wouldn’t happen to know of anyone else you could spare to help us, would you?
Church: (appears next to Tucker) Oh, I can think of someone.
Tucker: Please don’t.
Cut to outside, where Caboose has just arrived via teleportation grenade. Tucker and Church are standing in the background, watching him.
Caboose: Field trip! Woooo! (sprints around) We are going to a field! Oh my god! This is going to be...amazing! Field trip!(runs off yelling something incoherent)
Tucker: You’re dead to me.
Church: (sarcastic) Yeah, that’s tough, I’ll cry on the inside, don’t forget to pack his lunch.
Fade out to credits.
Church: Also, he needs to take that pill twice a day.
- It is hinted that Tucker has premature ejaculation problems.
- Grif lampshades the fact that the Blue Team traditionally has more involvement with the plot of the series than the Reds in this episode.
- Tucker receiving his sword and being impregnated by the Blue Alien is referenced in the same conversation as well.
- Epsilon saying that robot body parts aren't all cracked up to be is a reference to his use of robot bodies.